And Now, Finally My Kevin Spacey Movie Reviews:

HINT: They all pretty much rock just because Kevin Spacey is in them.

THE USUAL SUSPECTS: (Roger "Verbal" Kint) This one gets 5 KEVIN SPACEY STARS, all the way, BABY! Not only is Kevin sumpremely great as Roger "Verbal" Kint, the movie is just fabudifilous. It's my all-time favorite film forever and ever, and not just because Kevin Spacey is in it, oh no, not at all. The first time I saw this movie I was at my friend's house, and I had never even heard of Kevin Spacey. I had no fucking clue who the hell he was. And I didn't even really want to watch the movie, but my pal forced me to. And I sure am glad she did. Not until the last five minutes did I even give a damn, but after that, I went insane. I was like, "We have GOT to watch that again." And again and again and again. (I own it myself now, thank God. I watch it all the time and I've got ALL the lines memorized.) Kevin Spacey totally deserved the Oscar for his part in that film, TOTALLY, and I'm ecstatic that he DID win. So if you see Kevin Spacey in only one movie during the short spanse of your pitiful lifetime, see this one and bask in it's excellence. It rocks the house up its ass. But beware, it's true what they say in that kick-ass 1998 Video Guide Book of mine: you can't watch it just once. And I'll bet you a million dollars.

THE REF: (Lloyd ChasSEUR, it's eighteenth century French Hugenot!) 5 KEVIN SPACEY STARS. He's adorable in this movie, except maybe at the beginning. But as soon as I get the chance I'm going to buy this movie. And not only does it have Kevin Spacey in it, but Denis Leary is also one of the stars. The movie is hilarious, very memorable lines and situations. And it turns out the way you want it to, a happy ending. At least happy for Kevin. Some of the best Kevin Spacey quotes come from this movie. Like getting Mother Rose a wooden cross next year for Christmas, and "Use the ouchless, we have bungee cords!" He's such a sweet little man in this movie, just amkes me want to hug the screen and squeak, "Oh, Little Kevin, you're so precious!" In conclusion, this movie isn't as ingenious as THE USUAL SUSPECTS, but still Kevin Spacey is a total must see in it because he's just so sweet.

SE7EN: (John Doe) 4 KEVIN SPACEY STARS. SE7EN is a very good movie for those of you that don't mind disturbing plots and graphic "grossness." And personally those kind of things are two of my favorite things. The ending is very...almost surprising in a way. But be very wary of the fact that Kevin Spacey is incredibly frightening in it. And not you know SCARY frightening but still it'll keep you up at night. He plays who everyone but hardcore Kevin Spacey fans would expect him to: the psycho serial killer. (The rest of us know that he doesn't just play fucked up, mentally insane characters.) Of course he's really good in the role, he always is, but physically he's disturbing. Bald is not a good look for Kevin. Oh no. No. But I still say check it out for the movie itself. And of course that's why you should see movies. Not just because a celeb you like is in it. (That's what I always do. And it's bad, I know.)

LOOKING FOR RICHARD: (Buckingham) 4 KEVIN SPACEY STARS. I really like this movie a whole bunch. Kevin Spacey is not exactly memorable in it: he isn't one of the main people. But still the story of Richard the Third (which I didn't know in the least before I saw this) is a very good one. Richard is probably my favorite villian of all time (besides, of course, Keyser Soce). And he's played by the incredibly desireable Al Pacino. The style and sequencing of the film is well done. And of course it is great to see Kevin as he really is, or at least it seems as though he's acting like he normally would. Giving his interpetation of Buckingham and his actions. Don't see this movie for Al or even for Kevin. See it because it is a great adaption of THE LIFE AND DEATH OF RICHARD THE THIRD that was made because Pacino wanted to share his love of Shakespeare with the world.

MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL: (Jim Williams) 3 3/4 KEVIN SPACEY STARS. Well, I am incredibly surprised. I read the book a very long time ago, and while I did enjoy it, it was no masterpiece and hardly one of my favorite books. Yet I was very much looking forward to the movie. I was prepared for the worst, because they say the book is never as good as the movie. And then when the film finally came out, I was warned off from this way and that. No one liked it. And my best friend at the time said it was a laugh riot, one of the worst films she had ever seen. But I beg to differ. I actually rented the movie just to see Jude Law, because I recently saw GATTACA and found myself highly attracted to him. I wanted to check out his other roles/movies. And I kept telling myself, "This is going to be horrible, you're wasting your time and money." I really was wondering just how bad it was going to be. But I don't consider it bad at all. The acting was very good, the direction was fine, and the story worked. And it definitely had it's great moments: John at the "Black Debutante Ball" with drag queen Chablis, Minerva in the garden. Yes, it could be sappy, going for the easy laughs at times, but it was thoroughly enjoyable. Eastwood's daughter's role, though, I found unnecessary. There was no need for a romance, besides perhaps the would-be one between Chablis and Kelso. And Kevin Spacey was surprisingly good looking in it. Usually a mustache is a very very bad thing for Spacey, but it worked, along with the grey hair. He had a very attractive puppy dog look going on. And his acting, as always, was top notch. When he takes the stand, and that tear comes to his eye...excellent! And can I just say, at the end where they're both lying on the floor and Billy lifts his head and makes that evil grin, that is perhaps the creepiest bit of filmmaking I have ever seen. I'm very proud of this movie and it's ability to please me when I figured it could never come close. I guess that means you'll enjoy movies more if you show up with low expectations.

SWIMMING WITH SHARKS: (Buddy Ackerman) 3 KEVIN SPACEY STARS. I watched this movie two times when I rented it and when it ended the second time I thought, "That's just a really bad movie." But it's not really THAT bad, it's just not my type of movie. The ending is kind of screwy, but at least what you think'll happen doesn't happen. I love that more than anything. And of course, a lot of the time Kevin looks horrible, with his messed up hair, and those horrid scars and the blood. But this movie has got great quotes. My sister didn't even see the movie and I've got her saying, "shit, fuck, oh piss!" all the time. It's our new catch phrase (and Ma hates that fact). Kev may have been a womanizing bastard in this movie, but I couldn't help going "Hee!" every time he said something like, "Shut up, listen, learn," or, "Fetch!" And the part with the Equal and the Sweet and Low. Oh, Lord that man is just great. I love him. Oh, and something about the movie itself: the sequencing is great. The way they paced it, back flashes and all; that was well done. So check out this flick if you love Kevin Spacey as much as I do, but if you're not one for relatively dull movies then best stay away. "Tough shit; way it goes."

OUTBREAK: (Casey Schuler) 3 KEVIN SPACEY STARS. This one's a three (and not a five or a two) for a few reasons. If Kevin Spacey wasn't in this film, I'd rate it as probably a two or perhaps lower. But he IS in it. And he's cool in it. Out of all the characters I've seen him portray, Casey Schuler is probably the one I'd be most likely date. He has really good lines in this movie, too. And I've got those sound bites. But if I find him so attractive in this movie, why didn't I give it FIVE stars, you ask? He just wasn't in it long enough, that's why. And the only reason I finished the film was to find out if he ends up kicing the bucket or if he recovers (I guess I'm kind of giving away part of the movie, but oh well!) And you never find out. They're too busy worrying about Rene Russo's uncompelling and annoying character. You never find out if Casey, the BEST FRIEND of the two main characters, lives or dies. And that's really disappointing. Because that was the only reason I watched that movie to begin with. Still it's worth seeing for the scenes Kevin is in. Casey Schuler is a great guy. The best person in that movie (besides maybe Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character.)

CONSENTING ADULTS: (Eddy Otis) 3 KEVIN SPACEY STARS. A very strange movie. And this is one of the few films in which Kevin plays a psycho. I mean he's really fucked up in this movie, very disturbed. But the weird thing is, he's still an incredibly loveable character. Talk about adorable. Hopefully those who've seen this movie know what I'm talking about and I've not just gone totally insane. But when he sings that song and when he reveals that the whole neck injury was just a scam. I mean I could burst he's so cute. I even love him at the end when he's got a machine gun in his hands and he's ready to annihilate two more people. But I'm not all that fond of the movie. It wasn't incredibly compelling, the plot not woven all too well. And the end wasn't incredibly believeable. That two people can still be together after all they've been through. But you could say that an experience like that might make two people closer. Whatever. See this movie just because Kevin plays Eddy Otis beautifully and so well that you still love even after you find out how mentally insane he is.

L.A. CONFIDENTIAL: (Jack "Big V" Vincennes) 3 KEVIN SPACEY STARS. What is all the hype surrounding this movie? I just don't get it. I couldn't wait to see this movie, I was so totally jazzed. I'd heard great things, I was reading the book which seemed very good, very developed, and very enthralling. Everyone was saying what a spectacular film it was going to be: "Look for it at the Oscars." And, I just now realized this, it was very much praised at Cannes (though I'm not sure that it won any awards). The first truly serious movie of the year. Oh, forget all you've heard, folks: THIS MOVIE SUCKS SHIT. It's hideously bad. It so did not live up to my great, great expectaitons. Point one: I adore Guy Pearce, he rocks the house. (Didya see him in THE ADVENTURES OF PRISCILLA, QUEEN OF THE DESERT?) Well, run and hide: Pearce is so damn ugly and his character is horrid. Very sad, sad. Pearce is damn fine/sexy, but in L.A. he's frightening. Point two: There was hardly any character developement at all. If you read the book you'll know what I mean. In the book Kevin's character is married and has a terrible secret he'll do anything to keep buried (he shot and killed two innocent civilians who had two young children to raise). He's assigned to a case involving porn mags and he ends up addicted to the stuff. He becomes an alcoholic and buys prostitutes and tries to recreate the scenes from the smut books. He's a very developed and involving character. But alas, in the movie all you see of Kevin's private life is revealed in a tiny scene where he dances with some woman (identified in the credits as "Vincennes dance partner"). That's sad. James Ellroy's five hundred page novel is superb, deep, entangled. And it's obvious that he really had to let them dumb it up for the big screen. Such tragedy. Point three: The book was all too fresh in my mind when I saw the movie. I'd totally recommend seeing the film first so that you won't be so dissappointed and confused. The stories are completely different, you can't even tell one's an adaptation of the other. But inspite of all this, the time that Kevin is on screen, he is incredibly cute. You'd never know that his character is supposed to come off as a real self-absorbed, fucked-up sleaze. See it, bask in Kevin's glory, and then weep when he dies and because of the fact that you have to sit through the rest of the thing without his face brightening up the scene. But above all, I advise you to READ THE BOOK, IT'S SO MUCH BETTER.

GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS: (John Williamson) 2 KEVIN SPACEY STARS. A next to plotless film that still holds your attention in spite of the fact that there's no real story. The ending is a slight surprise. And it's got a great cast. Jack Lemmon, Alan Arkin, Ed Harris, Alec Baldwin. And Al Pacino (I love Al Pacino!) And, of course, Kevin Spacey. Kevin has a minute part in the film, but he's great in the last few scenes. Oh, but the saddest thing is, I read in some interview with Kevin that he was really depressed during the filming of GLENGARRY because ten hours a day all he'd hear was, "You fucking woman. You don't belong in this business. Suck my cock, asshole." How horrible. Awww! I'd see this movie any day just because of the cast.

SEE NO EVIL, HEAR NO EVIL: (Kirgo) 1 KEVIN SPACEY STAR. I would never have even known this movie existed if I hadn't happened to be flipping through the channels one Saturday afternoon. There was nothing on but this film and I had nothing better to do. I was shocked and even more compelled to continue watching when Kevin Spacey appeared on screen. If I remember correctly, Kevin not only has a mustache in this one, but he's also got a British accent. Sexy (I say that even though I don't remember it very clearly). But the mustache is no turn on. Kevin looks about as good with a mustache as he does with a bald head. And I see he's got a mustache in his upcoming movie MIDNIGHT IN THE GARDEN OF GOOD AND EVIL. I say someone, anyone just attacks him as he's walking down some red carpet and put a razor to that bushily brown growth above his upper lip. I'll pay you. Back to this movie. Kevin is the bad guy in it and though I'm not exactly positive, I have a feeling he's not in many scenes. And the movie itself is no must see.

A TIME TO KILL: (Rufus Buckley) 1 KEVIN SPACEY STAR. This movie is okay, no must see, but still okay. But not in regards to Kevin Spacey. Kevin is hardly in it and he plays I guess what you'd call the "bad guy" in this film. A very dislikeable character. The D.A. who is contemptuous and snooty. Much too full of himself for my taste. But I sure am glad I finally saw this movie again because my friends description of Kevin in it was not at all accurate. The other characters were always much more sweaty and hoglike than Kevin and, though you really want to hate this character, he's not at all as extremely loathsome as my pal made me think. Thank God. But A TIME TO KILL is nothing to rush out and see, especially if just want to see a Kevin Spacey movie. (See REF or USUAL SUSPECTS, even if you've already watched them both a million times, like me.)

HURLYBURLY: (?) 0-1 KEVIN SPACEY STAR. This is definitely one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It was torture sitting through it and I would never recommend it to anyone. Spacey's performance was rather devastating: it was a cross between Jack Vincennes and Buddy Ackerman. He was in it very little. The plot was nonexistent, and the movie was made up of rambling and unengaging monologues. I did not have any sympathy or compassion for the characters whatsoever; they were so incredibly unbearable. I have to admit that most of the performances were very well done (Sean Penn and Meg Ryan), too bad that the characters didn't have anything interesting to say. Do not see this movie under any circumstances; it reeks of sewer waste.

KEVIN SPACEY!